Warning for Americans! This blog post contains irony.
The Finnish government intends to eradicate tobacco smoking altogether in a couple of decades. Thus far the government has introduced a law that prohibits the shops from openly displaying tobacco products. The customer must ask for a specific product, and the salesperson takes it from a closed cupboard and sells it. (Americans, this is actually true. The irony will follow.) Unfortunately, this law has not prevented the people from smoking. In the following I propose new laws that help the government to achieve their noble goal.
My propositions are as follows:
* The customer must ask for a tobacco product using its proper name. If the customer says “White Mallu”, the store is not allowed to sell the product. The customer must say “Marlboro Gold”. The customer must also not say “Malporo”. (That’s how most of the Finns pronounce Marlboro.)
* Whenever a salesperson sells a tobacco product (s)he must say to the customer: “Tobacco is very harmful for health.”
* The government must hire theater students to patrol grocery stores. Whenever they see someone buy a tobacco product, they must disapprove in a loud and theatrical manner.
* Whenever a salesperson opens the cupboard to take a tobacco product to sell, the customer must turn their back on the cupboard. Closing one’s eyes is not enough, since it is possible to peek between the closed eyelids.
* The contents of the warning label of a tobacco product must be given with the product to the customer as a 1m x 1m poster. Every smoker must have at least three of these posters on the walls of his/her bedroom.
* Since the salespeople of the grocery stores open the tobacco cupboard a lot, they see a lot of tobacco packages. They must be required to participate in a course that educates them how not to fall victims of hidden advertising.
* The government must find an ink that is poisonous to inhale. Every cigarette must have a text printed with this ink stating: “Warning! This ink is poisonous when inhaled.”